In perfect Gemini fashion (NEW MOON on June 13, 1:43 pm MST), the archetype of the Storyteller, I have a story to tell.
I’ve said some things about people. People have said some things about me. Some of those words so hurtful and shocking they were seared into my brain, lodged in my neural circuitry, birthing experiences and relationships of a similar vein, over and over again.
Parents, teachers, mentors, friends, strangers, lovers.
As much as we have the power to build each other up with our sweet-talking ways, we have a devastating power to tear each other down with OUR WORDS.
You’re just like your father. You’re a terrible singer. You’ll never make any money. I don’t love you anymore. You’re a liar, a thief, an addict. You’re stupid, fat, ugly, useless.
When I started to work with affirmations in my late 20s, I wanted to control the experiences I was having in my life. I started in the area of money, saying sentences like money comes to me easily and effortlessly; I love money and money loves me—and this affirmation practice, in which I chose my words carefully, worked. Really well.
In my 30s, I needed more, so I raised the stakes of my affirmation game and declared my wishes with more intensity and precision. As I begun to plunge into rabbit hole after rabbit hole in the pursuit of greater understanding and meaning of my life, many fears came up, particularly around safety.
So I started there. Affirmations were no longer about attracting money or vacations or a new wardrobe–I knew how to do that. I began with I AM SAFE, over and over again, hundreds of times at a time. I AM SAFE. I AM SAFE. I. AM. SAFE.
I had to quiet down that dominant thought in my head that told me scary stories about being attacked in my home, raped behind a bush, mugged walking from my house to my car, in a movie theatre at the beach, in the grocery store. These attack stories created from some of the violent experiences I’d had growing up, reinforced by what I’d seen or heard on TV, in a movie or on the news–thousands of times over.
And the affirmations along with some creative visualizations did help ease some of the anxiety—temporarily. But I continued to attract unsafe situations through the projection of my undigested, unfelt, unacknowledged childhood fears that played out as an adult, often in the form of several car accidents and unstable neighbours.
I’m a good person I would think. I work with children and angels and plant love gardens. What could I possibly be doing wrong? Why can I attract money and not safety with my words?
I hadn’t heard of the word before, but I was shown that’s exactly what I was doing. By spending much of my time speaking and writing affirmations, I was hoping to create a new story for myself, one in which the main character didn’t feel that attack or death was imminent. If somehow I could say my affirmations clearly, concisely, consistently–perfectly, I would be granted this thick, metallic invisible cloak of safety I’d envisioned, protecting me from anyone who might intend harm.
What I had ultimately hoped in working with affirmations and reaching for the better feeling story–one word, one sentence at a time–was that I wouldn’t have to dive into the pain of those past events that created these unsafe feelings in the first place. In my case, a father who was broken, who tried to kill my mother, who almost killed me and my sisters on more than one occasion. These words I type still bringing tears to my eyes and an ache in my throat.
I wanted to erase any need to do the other work that healing and transformation require much of the time—to feel and speak my stories before and as I create new ones. The New Moon in Gemini lovingly reminds us of this.
This release work has to be done.
Some of us have experienced betrayal, rejection, and trauma, felt oppression, witnessed violence, confronted death. Some of us have come face-to-face with prejudice, racism, abuse. These are our stories. This New Moon is the time to acknowledge that YOU have lived some extraordinary chapters in your life so far.
This New Moon is also about calling on the Gemini archetypes of the Storyteller and the Creative Muse to access the voice of your Higher Self and your Heart Wisdom to gain a new understanding of your old stories, so you can begin to weave new ones.
What do you want the next chapters of your life to be about?
Take an area of your life where you believe a new story must be told–the story of your money, your health, your self-love, your creativity, your contribution, your relationships.
If you are unsure of your direction, your next chapter, then invoke an embodiment of the Gemini archetype of the Messenger, to whom you feel aligned–a particular ancestor, angel, mystic, saint, guide, goddess, or master to help you create clarity out of confusion, order out of chaos.
They are listening and waiting to creatively deliver you your next steps through messages played out in a TV show, a song, a bird, a butterfly, an overheard conversation.
Ask, what are my next steps with this relationship, this job, my finances? What’s at the root of the experiences I’m having right now–the ones that do not feel so good? Is there something I need to release, something I need to feel so I can continue building deeper connections, greater abundance, sweeter love?
Be willing to be shown.
Gemini values choice, so we are free to go wherever we are needed in this very human experience we are having. There are beautiful adventures to have and magical places to go, my friend, even for those of us who have experienced hell.
As we learn some tricks of the Gemini trade, we can become better skilled at being the Witness and Student of our life’s stories.
For myself, I now include affirmations (truly they are prayers) that allow myself to feel what I need to feel so I can become more vulnerable to love. This idea that I need a magical cloak of safety has dissipated as I feel the impenetrable protection I have in the vision I have created for my life and the knowledge that I live in a Universe that is loving and kind.
I still watch my words and my thoughts, knowing the power they have to create and to destroy, but the obsession, borne out of fear, to control every thought, every feeling is gone now too.
I. Am. Safe. in my New Story that I confidently tell this Gemini New Moon. How about you?
To your loving, adventurous, prosperous, magical New Story,